The marriage relationship is not all about sex but it has sex as its centre. Sexual fire is in-born in all human races! , we are an authentic sexual being with functional sexual organs feelings and desires. But as much as it the truth that sexual fire burns on the inside of every man!
The marriage relationship is not all about sex but it has sex as its centre. Sexual fire is in-born in all human races! , we are an authentic sexual being with functional sexual organs feelings and desires. But as much as it the truth that sexual fire burns on the inside of every man! Whether he’s a believer or an unbeliever, normal God-given sexual desire is and should be manageable because sex is not and never an emergency. Neither is sex a fundamental life’s need like the need for air, water, food or love and that without it being expressed disproportionately, unjustifiably, excessively, and unduly it may be endangering one’s health. NO! A need is defined as an element which if denied will result in physical and psychological damage.
In 1 Thessalonians 5; 23, the bible confirms the fact that we are ‘Spirit, soul and body’ people so when two people have sex, it is not just a physical act as the world would like us to believe. Those people are mixing their souls and body and merging their human spirits. It is not something to be taken lightly. God designed the act of intercourse to be a ‘seal’ on the covenant of marriage, just as other types of covenant are sealed with blood. To really understand sexual sin and why it is wrong and harmful it is requires of us to understand our human sexuality and how it was created and designed by God to function. God’s gift of sex to mankind was one part of His covenantal blessing to us and was created by Him to be a holy relationship within the bounds of marriage. Any use of sex outside those boundaries is a perversion of God’s design. But as soon as individual understands that bringing his sexuality to order, to be harnessed for God’s purposes such individual has gain victory over sexual sin. In order words the ability to delay immediate selfish gratification is a sense of spiritual maturity and responsibility. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires as James 1:14 but every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed [enticed means what attracts you] ohun to wini ….. A temptation always appeals to our lusts and waits for us to take the bait. A man can see an attractive woman in a revealing top – the temptation.
What does he think after seeing the woman, is what determines whether he takes that temptation that appeals to his lust and turns it into sin. It would turn into sin if he mentally undresses her. It would not be sin for him to look another direction and focus his mind on something else. The key to battling temptation starts with the inside. We have to defeat those evil desires within us. Those desires are written onto our ‘hard drive’ and we have to overwrite them. We can overwrite them with prayer & God’s word. This is not a one-time deal. We have to continually overwrite them because they keep coming back. James 4:7 submits yourselves therefore to God resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Since we know it is wrong, the next question is, how do we get out of it? The spiritual part of the issue has already been dealt with by Jesus. As Christians, we have been spiritually liberated from sin; however, we must maintain our deliverance on a daily basis, which is our responsibility Will it be easy? Anyone who tells you that overcoming a porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, abortion, infidelity, or promiscuity is easy may not know the degree of your addiction. But is it impossible? Absolutely not. Can anyone do it? Anyone willing to be honest about his or her addiction and willing to put in effort can do it.
You need a battle plan Acknowledge the problem
Acknowledge the problem and take responsibility for it – If you keep blaming others for your situation then you are not going to move forward. Accept the fact that you caused it and that you will also change the situation. See it as a problem you are not created that way.
Make a decision that you want to be free
How do you get set free from sexual sin? First of all, as with any form of bondage, you need to make a decision that you want to be free. If you are in sexual bondage then you have to look honestly at what you have become and the damage that your sin is causing you and everyone. Our will is the only thing God and the devil is fighting to gain it attention.
Desire to change
When a person is immersed in obsessive and compulsive behaviours, their life revolves around this behaviour. If you are enjoying your present state the willingness to change won’t be there. You must develop a perfect hatred for sexual sin. If you have seen multiple sex partners as fun before, now see it as death. A proof of your desire to change is your pursuit of help. To fall into sexual temptation is a choice, just like any other in life. If you decide to resist it, be sure you will overcome it. No matter how tempting the feelings may get, you can control them. Where there is a will there is always a way.
Tell a trusted friend about your problem or look for a counsellor and accountability partner As terrifying as this may sound, it is one of the most powerful and effective approaches. If you are blessed enough to know someone who is not judgmental and will understand and appreciate your goal [and forgive you, if the circumstance warrant] talk to them at least once in a day about how you are doing. Have a frank conversation any time you feel compelled to think or act in ways that is not becoming of a believer. It is very important that you get a counsellor or an accountability partner whom you can open up to at all times. I mean that person that you respect enough to be honest with at all times. He must be empowered by you to ask you about your sex life at any point and time. You must also respect his or her opinion enough to follow his counsel at all times. Please don’t choose a fellow adulterer as your counsellor or else you won’t grow beyond your present state. Nothing scares your sexual urge like honest- open-communication.
Change associates and stimulants and fill with new information.
Change associates and stimulants and fill with new information. You can’t become free by moving ahead with your old friends, music, books, magazines and movies. You have to change to new sexual diets that depict the new you that you are trying to create.
One of the biggest changes we can make in our lives involves the people we are in relationship with, as well as the things we look at, listen to, and talk about. If you are serious about committing to a lifestyle of sexual purity, you have to disconnect from those people, places, and things that create an environment that causes you to be vulnerable to sin. We must set boundaries to protect our decision to remain sexually pure.
Keep your schedule full of non-tempting activities.
Do not awaken desires that will leave you frustrated if you don’t have sex whatever the limit are for you know yourself and what turns you on. Avoid watching pornographies movies they will arouse your desire for sex the only reason why these films were made was for incapable people to watch, get aroused and do just what they have seen on T.V or internet. Since you do not have issue with either arousal or sexual stamina you do not need such aids. Avoid participating in discussions which are always base on sex while discussing with friends you might be tempted to laugh over suggestive jokes. When you are alone you can be sure that somehow those jokes would cross your mind and while reflecting over it, you might be tempted to experiment it yourself. Don’t console yourself that just one try won’t cost you anything
Know your peculiar trigger points replace them and avoid them
If a particular person, place, time of the day, or emotion always leads you into distracting thoughts about sex, learn to identify those triggers, you can even create a list of them and replace those triggers with other things. Translate your sex drive into creative energy do a worthwhile venture.
Cultivate a healthy sex life in the marriage union
If you are particularly, exceptionally and extremely sexually active, communicate with your spouse about your high libido, about your passion for sex and your raging desire; [this is particularly true about some spouses such as sanguine, extroverts, extremely sexually active believers before salvation and marriage]. This will help you to maintain healthy and open sexual relationship that will keep you both fulfil and satisfied. Most times when a partner in marriage is ‘thinking about sex more than he or she would have love to even think about even though he or she is not ‘doing it’, it is usually because there is something lacking or frustrating about such persons sex life. You should talk to your partner openly and truthfully.
Guard the mind with diligence
Guard the gates into your life because what gets into your mind will ultimately affect your life. Be careful of what you hear and see. You must also learn to communicate with your spouse or counsellor each time the urge comes to get into your old way. Delete the entire picture on your phone and your computer that contains nudity partial or full-frontal. Talk to someone or yourself when the temptation comes. Tell your body you have the power to control it by changing your thoughts to something else [and no the other way around] you do not always need sex even though you may feel like you need it and you will die if you don’t have it Don’t deliberately pour fuel on the fire. If you walk into your office and you see a girl wearing a low-cut blouse, bounce your eyes immediately, because if you don’t, you’ll put fuel on your fire and by lunchtime you’ll by totally distracted! However, you can control normal sexual desires that God has given you if you don’t let them grow out of control sex is a sin outside the marriage if you can keep this in mind, then even if you are in a room with a naked person, you would come out victorious because sex start from the mind. Watch your eyes they are the windows to your soul keep your eyes above the shoulders and train them to focus on non-sexual parts of the body of the opposite sex Try as much as possible not to use sexual words expression in your discussion.
1 peter 5:8-9 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accompanied in your brethren that are in the world.
Don’t be probing when you hear friends talk about their sexual escapades. Remember that the fact that everyone is doing something does not make it right or wrong. Do not feel intimidated because your friends mocked you about your Christian faith, whatever they do does not matter. It is what you would do that would make the difference. The person that accepts an evil thought always believes that they will not commit such an act; but when the devil presents them the opportunity, then they fulfil it, because they had already accepted it in their mind.
Let go of the past and keep confessing future reality
Let go of the past and keep confessing future reality – You have to rise above your past even if it was yesterday. You can be driving forward looking backward. People may find it difficult to forgive you receive forgiveness from God and forgive yourself. Stop heaping blames on yourself. Thank God you are still alive, let yesterday go into the grave while you move on today as you focus on the future you want to capture. I believe all these should be able to help you however if you are still finding things very tough or you don’t know whom to really trust as your mentor then try and give me a call and let us see how to help out. But one thing that is most important here is your mental liberation. If your mind could change every other thing will change. However I need to tell you that you really need to avoid vulnerable position so that you don’t fail and I think the following tips would really be of help. - Be accountable- tell your spouse or counsellor how you feel about certain individuals per time - Understand your sexuality and love language – what turns you on? - Know your bottom line – When are you likely to lose your mind? If hanging out with a particular person makes you compromise your values then identify the person and avoid such people. - Communicate your position – If such persons want you at all cost then tell them you wouldn’t want to hang with them. If they are your old customers then tell them you are not the old person they used to know. - Act out your conviction – Do what is right despite the pressure, if possible run instead of trying to argue with them. - Keep your vision in view – The picture of the new you must be with you at all times. How will you feel be if you attain that new person? - Avoid vulnerable positions – darkness, old customers and others
Resolution Therapy –
Attach something distasteful to what is pleasurable. What would illicit sex mean to you? If you see it as a scandal that can mess you up and you condition your mind to accept that you’d easily break away from addictions. But note that the stake must be set high and your brain must recognize that stake.
Distraction Therapy –
Every sexual urge needs an outlet and you can divert the urge into a hobby or you can play any fast music and dance for 10mins the urge would naturally go down if you do this and this has worked for most of our clients.
Stay close to the scripture
Colossians 2:13b-15 hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; blotting out the handwriting od ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; and having spoil principalities and powers, he made a show of them openly triumphing over them in it.
Psalms 34:19 many are the affliction of the righteous: but the lord delivereth him out of them all. Memorize Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman”.
Read your Bible daily to get God’s word written on your heart. God’s word is more powerful than a two edged sword (Heb 4:12) and has tremendous power to not only save, but destroy the evil desires within you. The world would have us believe that living a sexually pure life is impossible, but with God all things are possible. It takes a quality decision and a plan. By implementing the Word of God into your daily life and making choices that support holiness in your life, you can experience freedom from sexual sin. Romans 12:1-2, 8:1 Titus 3-5 psalms 5:10 Isaiah 40:31 Ephesians 4:16, 2:10, 1;21
Commit to the process of mind renewal
Isaiah 26:3 thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee Romans 12:1, 2 instruct us to renew our minds so that we can prove what the acceptable and perfect will of God is. Abstaining from fornication is the perfect will of God, so by constantly meditating on the Scriptures day and night regarding sexual purity, our thinking will begin to align with God’s Word. As a result, we will begin to make choices that support our stance. Mind renewal is not a one-time event but an on-going process that we must actively engage in on a daily basis.
Cast down thoughts by speaking the Word. 2 Corinthians 10:4 instructs us to cast down thoughts and imaginations that go against the Word. When sexually immoral thoughts and feelings rise up within you, don’t sit there and receive them. Open your mouth and declare the Word of God over your life. Do this as many times as necessary in order to bring those thoughts into obedience to the Word. Hebrew 4; 14
Pray in the spirit more than you can ever imagine
Acts 1:8 but ye shall receive power after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you Jude 1:20 but ye beloved, building up yourselves on your most holly faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. Ephesians 6:18 praying always with all prayers and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saint.
Sexual recovery is possible no matter the damage the addiction has done to you. God can bring about a new beginning for every victim. Every journey that was started could be ended. Sexual sin was started by a wrong mind-set and could be ended by a right mind-set propelled by right information which is available to you now.
Believe it is possible even when there is a slip
Believe it is possible even when there is a slip – You are likely going to get discouraged when you fall into what you used to do but you must realize that it is part of the learning process. You must not give up. Some will get it right immediately but those that could not should not be too hard on themselves. Just believe it is possible keep believing the vision of freedom from sexual sin no matter what happens. What is actually happening is that your spirit man is trying to get you to believe God’s word and quit, but your body is fighting to keep doing what it had been trained to do. But when you persist quoting the word in faith you will develop your own spirit and become skilful in the word of righteousness and victory.
RECOVERY SESSIONS –
You can enlist in a 3day pure-Sex-therapy recovery sessions where I will join you in prayers for a whole 3 days non-stop prayers. Fasting and praying intermittently at every 3 hours with the scripture. You can contact firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested.
Most common illicit sexual practices...
Masturbation is a sin, a lust that is associated with sexual fantasies; it is egocentric... Problems caused by incest, abuse or have been molested cause the person who was a victim to feel betrayed, provoking to become emotionally cold and to retract from people even themselves. Some victims of these types of abuse, even when married, they feel guilty or become sexually frigid. The majority of individuals that have been abused and molested sexually end up destroying their home and even their own life... The practice of sexual masochism is a sexual perversion where violence and pain is used to obtain pleasure. This practice dishonours the body, perverts the nature of human relations and offends God.
Abnormal sexual fantasies precipitate immoral activity. Jesus warned us that man is guilty of sin, of both the mind and physical act. For this reason pornography, in any form, must be avoided because it can lead to sexual promiscuity and all kinds of filthy activities. We cannot play with sexual fantasies in our minds... (Matthew 5:28)
Pornography promotes too many consequences such as the increase of rape and crimes related to sex, divorces caused by pornographic materials taken to the home, introducing children to masturbation and the necessity to experiment their sexuality...
Homosexuality and lesbianism has led the church of Christ to judge and criticize instead of helping and bringing them to know the truth. We have isolated them from the church. Even those people who have been delivered have been judged and mistreated, until the point of leaving their church. We must stand firm in disagreement with the sin of homosexuality. In other words, we must love the person but we must help them abandon their path of sin. (Leviticus 18:22)
Abortion Continuous deliberate abortion due to genuine reasons or non-genuine reasons: the lady-evangelist that her father happens to be her grandpa. Her mum was raped by her father.
Chris walked into the office having attended one of the seminars I spoke on sex addiction. Although his story was not totally different from the ones I have been privileged to handle in the past but he wanted me to use his story, which he believed would help a lot of people. I ran our sex addiction test on him and I was startled to realize that he was 92% addicted to sex. Chris’ father was a pastor who was too involved with ministry a very strict man of God and a preacher of holiness. His mother was a nurse while he had 3 elder sisters and one younger brother. While they were young because of the busy schedule of the parents the father’s cousin had to come and live with them to compliment the effort of the house help.
Chris said he was able to remember that there was a night his aunt put him on top of herself and was using his penis to excite her vagina. He was 7 so obviously didn’t understand what was happening although he enjoyed it and she had warned him that if he wanted more of it he must not tell anybody. Chris said it got to a stage that all he wanted while with any young girl was to practice what his aunt taught him so he had to do it with the daughter of his father’s assistant whom he found out was already experienced in it as well she was 12 and he was 10. He was very active in the church choir and because sex was already a way of life for him it wasn’t difficult to convince some of the girls in the choir to have sex with him thus the journey into sex addiction.
He said he had a friend who was also into sex and there was a year they decided to compete on which of them would have sex with the highest number of ladies. He claimed he won because he had sex for 189days out of 365 days in that year. Chris as a university student was well respected in his fellowship as a spiritual brother due to his eloquence at teaching the Bible but he knew he was seriously battling with sex. He said he prayed and fasted several times for God to take that part of him away but nothing happened. He had done everything to conceal his sex life just to retain his status among the people but his fear is that one day his secret would be open and the empire he had built would crash. He was addicted to sex and needed help.
The truth about sex addiction is that a lot of people are addicted to one form of sex perversion without knowing their level of addiction. I knew I was addicted to sex at a stage but when I overcame mine what I couldn’t come to terms with for a long time was the fact that I was addicted to petting.
Until I was able to face the problem and dealt with it I never overcame it. Today I want to start a series on sex addiction, which I believe will help a lot of people out of their sex challenges. I need you to know that when I say sex addiction I am generally referring to everything that sex encompass such as petting, pornography and all other sex perversions. Let me start by trying to define sex addiction. This is an uncontrollable compulsive appetite for sexual activities that keeps reoccurring. It is any sexual activity that one has refused to control that is now controlling the person. However I need to let you know what sex addiction is not and that include the following:
Sexual activeness – Every human being that is normal should have a degree of sexual activeness. By sexual activeness I don’t mean you engaging in premarital sex but that you have the urge to have sex once in a while. The urges are natural physiological component of humanity. Sexual feelings – addiction is not that you have sexual feelings for an opposite sex that you are attracted to which may include erection.
Occasional/past fall – That you fell into sex/masturbated in the past doesn’t also mean that you are addicted to it; it is when you can’t do without it that it becomes an addiction. I need to let you understand that when it becomes uncontrollable such that you want to engage in one form of sexual activity could mean addiction. I have seen masturbation addict and so on. Unlike other addictions that are physical, sex addicts may not have exhibit any outward trait to show that they are addicted.
It is easy to know a drug addict by the substance and his abnormal behaviour however a sex addict can be lifting up his hands to worship God in our services yet practising all forms of sexual perverseness with his eyes closed or going back home to engage in pornography. One of my friends visited the cyber café and met a guy surfing a porn site what shocked him was the fact that the guy had on his laps a book titled “Good morning Holy Spirit” Sex addiction can be in any form and may include masturbation, prostitution, net and cyber-sex, phone sex, lesbianism, petting etc.
At this stage I want you to answer the following questions: -
Is there any sexual habit that you have vowed to stop yet repeating? - Do you regularly read or purchase sexually explicit magazines/films? - Do you lie to conceal your sexual behaviour? - Do you feel powerless about your sex activities? - Do you worry about people finding out about your sexual activities? - Do you have a sex secret that you don’t want people to know about? - Were you sexually abused as a child or a teenager? If you answered yes to 5 of these questions then you could be suffering from one form of sex addiction or the other.
Why are people addicted to sex?
As I sat with Tony in the counselling room I listened with rapt attention to his story. He could not understand why he had to keep doing what he hated to do. He had just forcefully had sex with another teenager and according to him she was a lady that he had been helping with her Science subjects. While listening to him it just occurred to me to ask him if there was any secret he had that he had not been able to tell anyone. It was as if I poured salt on his injury as he broke down and wept profusely because there were loads of secrets that he had kept to himself for long. He was able to pull himself together as he narrated all he could remember about himself. I asked if he was ever sexually abused because I was still trying to figure out the cause of his addiction (he was 82% addicted). He couldn’t seem to remember anything about his childhood years. I prayed with him and gave him 2 weeks to go and think very well if he would remember anything about his childhood.
It was Tony’s call that woke me from my sleep after 3days, his voice was very cold as he relayed what he discovered when he got back home. He said it came back to his memory very early that day. He was about 4years when he ran into a room in the house and found his father having sex with the family nurse. He didn’t tell anybody but found the housemaid do the same thing to him at 5. It continued for 3years and when another house help was employed it was as if there was a handing over note because she took on him again for another 2years. That was the beginning of his sex addiction. When eventually he had grown into his teenage years and there was a younger house help he was the one that took on that one and it continued with cousins, girlfriends and the likes.
When he finished the story I knew we had gotten to the root of his sex addiction. When it comes to sex addiction, we can attribute it to so many reasons such as past abuse, intercourse with an addict, habits, exposure to sex stimulants and so on but the major cause (although it is not pronounced) is sex abuse. We shall look at the major causes of sex addiction.
Past abuse –
When a child is abused he either becomes withdrawn or becomes sexually promiscuous. Most times we look at a lady and we are quick to judge her, we call her a prostitute, a slut etc. but we fail to look at the fact that most of these ladies were at one time or the other abused sexually. Most of the ladies who reside in the brothels today were once sexually abused by people that they respect. We don’t know the damage we do to people. From experience and study I have come to realize that most sex addicts were abused as children/teenagers whether sexually/mentally. Kenny was abused by his aunty who herself was abused by an uncle when she was young. He grew up to be sexually active and for close to 15yrs was addicted to sex. I discovered from research that people who were sexually abused usually react in 2ways. It is either they suffer from sexual anorexia or sexual promiscuity. Since the sexual appetite in them was activated earlier than necessary it becomes a way of life. They can’t seem to understand why they keep doing what they hate
Intercourse with an addict –
sex is not just fun; it’s the only activity that ensures the totality of two people is immersed in themselves to establish a covenant. What that depicts is that what belongs to one is transferred to the other vice-versa. If you have sex with a sex addict his addiction quest/spirit is transferred into you and you suddenly discover that you are suffering from a particular sex perversion. I have met ladies who couldn’t explain how they became addicted to sex until we were able to trace the first sex experience and discovered that the first guy they were involved with was a sex addict. Of a particular interest was Ruth who was lured into sex by her father’s friend when she needed some money for her project in school. She confessed that since the time she slept with that man who is well known for his Aristo stunts she had found it hard to control herself sexually. Remember my definition of sex where I explained it to be a covenant exchange of life, love and pleasure. So when you have sex with an addict you are likely going to pick his life, which is a life of sex addiction.
Habits/exposure to sex stimulants –
one can also become addicted by forming a habit that later forms the person and this is enhanced by exposure to sex stimulants which are materials/information/people that have the tendency of bringing about an unusual urge i.e films, magazines, friends etc. A typical example is a guy in the boarding house where some of his roommates masturbate. He also picks up the habit, which was fun initially, but now he is finding it so hard to control. He has been unable to stop it. When you expose yourself to sex stimulants it’s like feeding your body with a particular food. Your mind is information back and whatever you fill your mind with is what your body wants to act out. The information you believe is what you behave and what you behave is what you become so if you expose your mind to pornography very soon you will unconsciously start acting it out because your body demands it and sooner than later you will become addicted to sex. Background traits – some of us are from homes where the man of the house is married to 7 women yet he still plays away games. And we have noticed that traits in all our uncles and even some of our siblings. There is an air of promiscuity in the family. The problem here is spiritual than psychological and something needs to be done. I have met guys who were not abused sexually and never saw pornography yet found it hard to control their sex lives. A careful study of their lineage revealed a history of sexual promiscuity. It is even amazing that some people pride themselves in it with the claims that they are the proper African man but we have seen some of them end up with AIDS.
Sex myths/insincerity –
sometimes people get addicted as a result of the lies they have believed i.e. you can exercise the penis through sex or you get better the more sex you have or love is sex etc. sometimes also we are insincere we all know how we feel sexually at all times yet we still lead ourselves into temptation and once we fail once we keep it as if nothing has happened but before long we are back till it gets to a level that it has become uncontrollable. I read an argument on the net by a man who said that it is no longer ok for couples to be intellectually compatible there is also the need for sexual compatibility. He went on to say that the best way to know the woman you are sexually compatible with is to try out as many women as possible. This information has led a lot of people astray and ultimately into addiction. I must say at his juncture that the way our body function is such that when you feed it with what it likes it develops a serious appetite for such activity and begins to request for it all the time. Until you start starving it intentionally it won’t stop asking for it. Having sex/any sex activity just once is enough to awaken the sex appetite and your body keeps asking for it till it becomes uncontrollable such that you do everything to satisfy the cravings of the body.
Characteristics of Sex Addicts
- They regularly purchase sex stimulants in forms of films, magazines, songs, online etc. - They exhibit cyclical sex behaviour. They engage in a sexual activity that is a violation of their standard, feel bad about what they have done yet go back repeat it. - They have multiple sex partners or engage in sex with people they have just met. - The regularly visit vulnerable environment such as brothels - When there is no partner in sight they engage in voyeurism (mind sex) or others - They are obsessed with bizarre sexual practices that are not in order. They could even go as far as having sex on the road when it is dark or have sex with their pet. - They have a great tendency to abuse the people around them. They could force sex activities i.e. rape, incest and child molestation - They are very secretive because they have a status that they want to keep among the people so you may not really know who they are by observing them normally. Some of them occupy great positions in the business places, politics and even religious cycles. - They blame others for their misfortune when they are caught (“The devil sent her to bring me down”). - They use every means to satisfy the urge when it comes.
EFFECTS OF SEX ADDICTION?
I want to welcome you all to another time on sex talkback. And thanks for the numerous mails you sent to me. A lot of you want to know if you are addicted or not, based on the problems you are facing at the moment. And some of you want to know how to get out of sex addiction. I need to let you know that it is not enough to just assume that you are addicted to sex until you take the test you can’t be too sure. I will advise you give me a call so that you can take the addiction test then for those of you that wants to get out of it. You also need to call so that we can fix meetings and go through the sex recovery module. I know it is possible to be free from sex addiction. Today I will continue from where I stopped last week and consider the effects of sex addiction and if possible start on how we can get out of sex addiction.
Effects of Sex Addiction - Low self-esteem- Just like other forms of addiction, sex addicts usually suffer from low self-esteem especially the ladies among them. Some of the men think that it boosts their ego but it is still a case of inferiority complex because you don’t need sex to prove that you are a man. Sex addiction leads to emptiness and depression, addicts always want something extra. The whole essence of engaging in the activity is to satisfy the uncontrollable urge in order to become normal but they soon realize that they want something more or that they are not yet complete. This ultimately led a lot of them into drugs. -
Disgrace and distrust – I don’t know how it feels as the head of the biggest company in your country to be caught pants down several times with school girls or to be accused by 7girls of sexually assaulting them. It is disgraceful in fact it has led some men into suicide because of the publicity generated by such. Because some sex addicts are big shots they try to cover up their tracks till the bean spills open one day and all the empire they have built comes crashing down. People no longer trust them and girls run away from them because they now have the reputation of being child abusers. Some of them are eventually disgraced out of office; end up behind the bars while so many of them never recover from the disgrace. If there is anything that has destroyed the reputation of a lot of men who have great destinies, it is a sex problem that was not properly dealt with. -
Stagnancy – Some of them become stagnant such that they find it so hard to move forward in their endeavours because their mind is filled with loads of secrets that they have to cover up. They are threatened by the girls that they have used and it has become so hard to sleep. Their work and family begins to suffer and they are filled with so much guilt that some of them sink into depression. -
Generational problems – Because sex is not only physical; it is also spiritual. They have picked up so many things they never had originally from their multiple partners, which they have also deposited into their wife, and the traits are now evident in their children. A lot of fathers have brought a strange disease upon their families by engaging in sex with another woman outside wedlock. Some fathers had their generation cursed for having sex forcefully with an underage. -
Barrenness – This could be due to multiple abortions or complications resulting from abortion. There were ladies that lost their womb while in their state of addiction only to become married and now in search of a child. -
Exposure to STIs – Because they must have sex, they don’t care with whom, where and how? I remembered losing a one-time roommate to AIDS as a result of sex addiction. It was as bad as this guy having sex with food vendors, bread hawkers and even those Fulani girls that hawk “Fura”. A lot of them have contracted STIs that they are not even aware of so they go ahead spreading it to others. -
Depression – They slip into depression because there is a longing in their heart that is not being satisfied. A lot of them are scared of what people would say if they realized what they had been doing and such could become suicidal. -
Broken relationships and marriages – The addiction affects their immediate family because they could go as far as having sex with their sister in-law, cousins and even their neighbours. Sometimes they also want to force their spouse to act in a particular way during sex (what they saw in porn), which could be offensive. Eventually their spouse gets tired and the marriage breaks. It affects their children as well because they become children from dysfunctional homes. So many of my clients confessed to seeing their fathers have sex with other women in the house while they were young. That affected the sex lives of so many of them. A lot of infants suffering from AIDS got it from one of the parents. -
Other addictions - Finally they become addicted to other addictive such as drugs and others. I need to let you know that the most important sex organ you have just as my mentor taught me is not your genital but your mind. So the greatest work as far as sex addiction is concerned has to take place in the mind. Until the mind changes your sex life may never change. However I need to also say that until you see your sex life as a problem you are not going to be geared towards getting a solution. We celebrate sexual prowess in this part of the world but the same thing we celebrate eventually ruin a lot of us. It is possible that you are having a field day now and you think you are ok because no one is raising a highbrow. That could be due to the fact that you are not yet a newsmaker or a celebrity. The day you become a role model you will be amazed that the same thing that you never considered a problem is what the people will use to bring you down. So I tell people that the best time to get it right is now. A lot of people that got married as a way out of sex addiction had been disappointed because it never solved their problems because they soon found themselves in the arms of other women. What you fail to deal with now has all it takes to deal with you. Until you acknowledge the problem as it is and get help it remains it doesn’t matter the height you get to if it has not been dealt with, it remains. In order to get out of sex addictions there are some specific steps you can take that can get you out but I need to tell you that I may not be able to treat everything here. These are steps that I have seen work over and over again. You may see yourself improve and find yourself back in the problem the most important thing is you have to believe that it is possible to be free from sex addiction. If you can believe it then it is possible.